Loss is a funny thing…

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Loss is a funny thing…..by this I do not mean funny ha ha, I mean funny-strange. It is one of thee most horrific feelings a human can experience and comes in so many different forms. However, it always carries a message…be grateful for what you have because you never know when you are going to lose it.

I recently lost my amazing and adorable little fur baby, Alfie, my cat. He was the best companion anyone could ask for and when he died, a huge part of my heart died with him. Losing Alfie got me thinking about how many losses I have had and how many I have still to experience, and how I have and will cope with these.

I was left feeling empty inside when I had to say goodbye to Alfie, like he was just torn away from me, I couldn’t bear to be in my flat due it being so quiet and empty and everywhere I looked there were and are memories or stories of him. He was a huge part of my daily routine, feeding him three times a day, cleaning his litter tray, playing with him and now even trips to the supermarket are not the same….due to having no need to go down the pet food aisle. I have heard people say ”it’s just a cat, you’ll get over it” but I don’t think it matters whether it was a cat, a dog, a human, a phone, a purse, a hamster. Loss is loss and whichever form it takes, it leaves a empty space in your life where something used to be, a void that needs to be filled.

Anyone who knows me, will know that I have not yet had to experience the devastating death or loss of a loved one or close relative *touch wood*. However, I have watched close friends and family have to go through this and I have undeniable respect and admiration for the way in which they not only coped, but carry on coping, every day. I just hope that when it comes to me having to experience this in my life that I will handle it with as much grace and resilience as they have. Loss is an inevitable part of life, it does not let you know when it is going to happen, it does not care about your feelings and it will happen to every single human, animal and being on this planet. We do not get to choose when it hits us and don’t have to accept it, but we can choose to cope and keep on living.

Although short, and a lot less humorous than my previous post I think it is one that I needed to write for myself and for anyone who has ever lost someone/something close to them. If any message can be taking from this I want it to be that…Life is too F**king short, live it to the fullest, take every opportunity you have for happiness and tell those close to you everyday that you love them.

Thanks for Reading!

LoLo x

Crap….I’m nearly 30!

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This is my first blog and first post, and to be honest…I don’t really have a clue what I am doing. So I figured I would start by writing about something that hopefully some of my fellow sistas can relate to.

Is it just me or is the thought of turning 30, an impending doom that all woman feel?

The night of my 29th birthday I felt this enormous, gigantic sense of ‘fuck’…What have I been doing with my life, and ‘crap’… I am actually going to be 30 years old, this time next year! So what did I do? I refused to go out and celebrate my birthday, instead I had a rather civilized lunch with my parents (maybe with a lot of wine involved…oopsy) and then went to what can only be described as the most testosterone/sweaty man smelling pub in the city and had several beverages with my fiancee and his dad, before going home and eating a full 12″ pizza (fucking the diet up again) to myself while watching re-runs of only fools and horses. Sad? Believe me…I know!

I always thought that I would be one of those woman that didn’t care about her age, after all it’s just a number, right? Wrong, this is the point in your life that you should know what your doing, where you are going and where you are going to end up. At least that’s what the grown-ups say.

Oh that’s right….I am supposed to be one of those grown-ups!

Well, in my head I am still 18, I still think I can go to nightclubs and dance til 3am. I still think that I am flirty and cute, that nothing in the world can hurt me, I am invincible!

Reality however, is a completely different story, in fact, she’s a bitch! I get strange aches and pains almost daily now, and every time I get one I google my symptoms and panic for hours. Why does every symptom you type into google lead to the big C or death? Sore finger = death, sore knee = death, sore ear = death….you get the picture!

I no longer dance til 3am, and have grown increasingly opposed to nightclubs, when did they become so noisy? Plus my feet can no longer stand to be in heels for longer than 5 minutes these days, luckily if I do have to wear them, I always carry flats in my bag. I have also found myself becoming one of those people on the bus that tuts and moans about the youths at the back being noisy and causing trouble, ‘back in my day’ I say to whoever is sitting near me…I mean whhhaaaat?

As for flirty and cute….pffft, in fact rather than go home and get into my sexiest lingerie for a night of passionate love making with the other half. I like nothing more than to go home, get into my favorite, hideous, baggy, body hiding t-shirt, jump into bed with a glass of wine and watch netflix, or trash on tv.

When did this change? When did I become so boring, I mean did I just wake up one day and that was it…I transitioned in to this self-pitying, lazy, unambitious excuse for a woman?

Well I am not going to continue on this path, much like a mid-life crisis or new years resolution, I am going to turn this shit around…and I here-forth vow, from this day forward THAT I SHALL BE ME AGAIN! (I was saying that in my head like it was a scene from braveheart).

But seriously, 30 isn’t that bad, I hope, and if it is, I at least want to conker it head on as a slimmer, prouder, sexier, sassier, more confident version of myself (that can wear heels, as I do like shoe shopping!).

So join me on my journey of discovery. As I share with you, all of the trials and tribulations of my mental, crazy, and darn right complicated life. Obviously, with a big sprinkle of drama and mishap for your amusement.

Thanks for reading.

LoLo x